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Stop Telling Women How to Get a Man

Selene

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Sexism isn't dead!

Sexism has always been an integral part of women’s lives. Women have had to fight tooth and nail to finally achieve equality and even though our gender prides itself of strong, successful women like Kamala Harris, Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, Susan Wojcicki and Jill Abramson, society still considers us inferior to men. In the last couple of weeks, a tweet the CNBC posted in 2017 caused quite a sensation since it stated that ‘millennial women are worried and ashamed of out-earning boyfriends and husbands’. It goes without saying that there was a huge response coming from the ‘fairer sex’. Thousands of outraged women shared the discriminating tweet stating that no, we are not ashamed nor worried. Why should we? I guess that at this point men are!

Not entirely sure if this fits here : menwritingwomen

 

It’s 2021 and we are still trapped in the net of sexism. Women are still seen as ‘marriage material’ – raise your hand if no one ever asked you ‘why don’t you have a boyfriend?, ‘you’re getting older, are you thinking about having babies?’, ‘all your friends are married or engaged and you’re still single. How is it possible?’. It’s common belief that women must only be single because they’re doing something wrong – we are too direct; too friendly; too distant; too picky; too sexy and so on. In order to solve these issues and fix our spinster-ness, the net lists so many articles and ideas about how to attract men; how to get a man; how to make him want more with you; how to keep a guy interested; how to get a guy like you; how to make him fall in love with you; how to get a man without getting played and even how to be more attractive; how and when to smile or what to wear. There are so many that is literally impossible to keep up.

 

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Unsolicited advice NOT wanted


Why does society think we need extensive advice on looks and behaviour to get a man? Why are we supposed to change ourselves or act differently? Is being ‘more feminine’ what actually attracts the opposite sex? Also, is having a boyfriend that important?

I’m 29 years old and I have never been one of those women who had dozens of relationships. I have always wanted a boyfriend – you can’t escape the heteronormative idea of love and romance – but I’ve never felt the desperate need of looking for any man and settle. Even though loneliness knocked at my door from time to time, I have never felt the desperate need for a man.

My source of inspiration for this article is Maris Kreizman’s story. Maris said she didn’t do anything differently than she normally did. ‘I didn’t fundamentally change any part of myself to finally find a happy relationship: I didn’t read a slew of self-help books and start going to SoulCycle to Get Right. I didn’t try a new dating app or a new therapist, and I didn’t arrive at some place of spiritual enlightenment at the end of which I announced to the world, “I am ready for love,” with my arms outstretched in the air. Reader, I got lucky. That’s it. For once in my life I got phenomenally lucky. I’m still the same old me with the same insecurities and biases and hangups but now I’ve found someone I love very much who loves me back. My before and after photos look almost identical, except I’m not alone in the after one’.

From this story we learn that being as we are doesn’t makes us less attractive or unworthy of love. We need to stop the sexist idea that women have to change themselves to get what they want because that’s simply not true. You are most welcome to follow the advice given out on internet but use it only as a suggestion and not as the Holy Bible. You don’t need anyone to tell you what to do, what to wear or what to say. You don’t need anyone to tell you what’s the beauty criteria you need to comply with to attract men. Us women have the power to do and achieve whatever we want and like. We are all beautiful and unique, that’s why we don’t have to adapt and conform to the mass.

You don’t need anyone to tell you how to get a man. Just… believe in yourself and your capacities.