Ghosting

Selene

dating

Ghosting

According to Urban Dictionary ghosting is ‘When a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they're dating, with zero warning or notice before hand’. A strange and rather cold phenomenon. Commonly viewed as the worst thing you could do to someone, without causing physical harm. A toxic product of the dating scene at current.

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Let me set the scene. You meet someone on tinder, messaging back and forth and finally arrange to meet up. It’s a lazy Sunday afternoon and you meet said person at an exhibition to discuss your shared passion of contemporary fine art. You laugh over coffee and joke over dinner, and as the evening draws to a close, they offer to walk you home and promise to call the next day. The next day you awake smiling and gaze over at your phone and nothing? Leave it a few days, weeks but silence. Complete and utter silence. Has something bad happened? Did they fall of the face of the earth? What if they are in trouble? Puzzled as to where it went wrong. Analysing everything you said and did. How could this have happened? You got ghosted. Because staying connected is so easy and so overused today, when someone drops all contact it creates panic, confusion, and bottom line, it stings.

Granted, sometimes there is a reason to ghost in the instance of unwarranted attention, but generally this is cut-throat.

It has to be noted that ghosting is not confined solely to dating. It can occur in friendships, job interviews and, more brutally, in long-term relationships. The job interview ghost has been particularly popular recently with the situation the job market is in. Please, if I spend half a day completing an application, send me an email, even a generic email, saying I have been unsuccessful on this occasion.

On one hand the ‘ghoster’ is avoiding an unpleasant situation by walking away without having to politely end a conversation or relationship. They essentially vanish, cutting all ties perhaps trying to avoid drama. These people prefer to avoid confrontation. Another reason to consider as to why people ghost is that they simply might just not care. A hard pill to swallow. As a reddit user pointed out ‘no response is still a response’. By ghosting (and I am by no means defending this behaviour (although I may have done it before)) you are simply saying I no longer wish to communicate with you any longer. Typically, people who have been ghosted in the past are more likely to ghost someone else. A strange chain reaction.

There is also the case of accidental ghosting. Say you have been texting someone a little and you don’t reply for three days or maybe a week because you are so busy. Is it more rude to reply weeks later or not reply at all? The latter is more commonly chosen, thus the accidental ghost. This normally brings a slight feeling of remorse, but you will probably get over it in 3 working days.

Being ghosted. No closure, explanation, no common decency. You start to question your worth, your character. How could they? Being ghosted can also bring any buried self-esteem issues to the surface. If you are the ‘ghostee’ in this situation, this is not your fault. You more often than not, did nothing wrong. This is a sign of perhaps their anxiety, shyness, or immaturity. But my only advice is please move on. It’s hard to accept and come to terms with, but seeking an explanation is not worth it. You don’t want to be ghosted twice. You may find it really hard at first but even after you have had a few drinks, you must NOT text.

Sometimes, there is a reason more than just being ‘terrible at texting’, something may have happened in their personal life.  Always tread with caution.

Ultimately ghosting says more about a persons lack of commitment of than being any fault of your own. It happens to everyone. Apparently, Leonardo DiCaprio got ghosted by Blake Lively. Ouch.