Love is a choice

interview advice relationship


Love is...

“Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.”

Love is an explosion of emotions that make you see the world through pink lenses. That’s pretty evident during the “honeymoon phase”: We feel happy, special and complete. We are on cloud 9 and we are sure that this feeling will last forever.

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Who is in love or has been in love in the past knows that not all is sunshine and rainbows. Things change when you decide to move in. You and your significant other are projected into a new reality where you are together for most of the time. You are going to discover a whole new level of your relationship that will make you stronger or will tear you apart. You will learn to respect and trust each other and to communicate when things are going differently from what you expected.

Shlomo Jesmer  is a Relationship Coach who truly believes that communication is the key element to build a healthy relationship. Shlomo helps couples through a 1:1 coaching program. His approach is based on - what he calls - the three C’s: Clarity, Communication and Connection. He doesn’t give the same advice to all the couples but he creates a personalised path since “every couple is composed of two completely unique human beings so it’s vital to not put anyone into a box - a one symptom fits all type of program”. He dives deep during his sessions since he wants to understand “what the real problem is and what the couple really wants”. This is the first step to let them achieve the goal they set.

Our guest thinks that every relationship coach has their own special talents and skills that the world can benefit from. This is what makes them build their own personalised approach that defines the way they work and solve couples’ issues. For example, his biggest superpower is being highly sensitive and intuitive. These two qualities make him a very empathic person who researches the root cause of a problem and starts working his way up from there.

In order to give better advice, Shlomo is committed to know his clients better. He says “I always start my sessions by getting to know the couple first, who they are, what they have been through, and what THEY feel they need help with”.

Shlomo is new on the relationship coaching scene, that’s why he doesn’t have a website yet. Good news is that he’s building a new one that will reflect his personality and his approach to love and relationships. He is quite active on his social media channels though. In the videos posted on YouTube, he usually talks to men and gives them advice on how to surprise and make their partners happy. He assures us that his advice can be applied to both men and women. Of course it depends on specific cases. People ask for his specific advice because they feel a connection and they believe that the content he produces can help them solve their problems.


Code word: Communication


Shlomo’s best (and most frequent) advice is to “communicate with one another. Let each other know what you like and what makes you happy, work together”. We couldn’t agree more with him. Moreover, the best couples make the best teams.

Shlomo cares deeply about his clients. He says “The best part of my job is when I see my clients’ eyes light up when they realize they can have the relationship of their dreams. I love watching my clients have breakthroughs, it’s truly one of the highlights of my day!”.

In such an uncertain moment all we want is a stable long-term relationship with a like-minded person. Our relationship coach tells us that the 4 key characteristics men should look for in women (and vice versa!) to start a long-term relationship are “a desire to grow, emotional intelligence, humbleness, and a kind heart”. Men and women out there, do not lose hope and continue your research. You are going to find the soulate you’ve been looking for for such a long time. Speaking of soulmates, Shlomo Jesmer truly believes that they exist and that we can have more than one. 

No, this doesn’t mean that you can have 4 partners at the same time!

It means that if for whatever reason you’re still single (maybe you’re divorced or widowed) you can still find your soulmate.  “For anyone who wants to find theirs, I would highly recommend praying to God to help them find each other. That’s what I did”. Shlomo has been married for 7 years and he has 2 beautiful children.

Coronavirus forced us to keep social distancing and limit human connection. This brought to an increased number of people looking for love online. “Now more than ever people are longing for companionship and a meaningful connection” Shlomo says.

Finding love on a dating app is not impossible. You need to commit to the cause and create a killer profile using those photos that offer the best version of yourself. Shlomo Jesmer says that “While physical attraction isn’t everything, it is a very important element to the happiness of the relationship. Just imagine what a man or woman would feel if they knew their partner isn’t attracted to them?”. That’s true. It doesn’t matter how attractive you are. Beauty is subjective. All you can do is to post photos that tell your story and show your personality.

Communicating with a partner and connecting with them is the key to healthy relationships. This is one of the key elements Shlomo Jesmer believes and roots his approach in. 

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“Communication is so much more than just talking to each other, I believe the most intimate organ in the body is the mouth. It’s what enables us to share our deepest and truest self with our partner. it’s what enables us to connect and experience intense intimacy. Communication is also a key factor for creating a safe and secure environment in the relationship and so it’s a key factor for building and sustaining trust. Communication is the tool that enables you to express your needs, fill your love tank, and build a loving relationship. It’s when people don’t communicate at all or communicate poorly that you see relationships falling apart and lovers turning into enemies”.

As the hopeless romantic I am, I asked our relationship coach  if there is a way to make love triumph again once a couple falls out of it. He gave such a powerful answer saying that love is a choice

“I don’t believe in falling in or out of love. Love is a choice that creates a deep feeling. If two people love each other they can work together to build that feeling. The honeymoon stage is not loved, it’s lust. Don’t get me wrong, lust plays an important role in a happy relationship, but very often people confuse the two”

Shlomo has high expectations for his 2021. He is committed to help those couples in need. 2020 has been “tough for everyone and relationships that don’t have a strong foundation or lack support have really been struggling. But I’m optimistic that those that want to make their relationship work and are committed to it, can and will come out stronger than before!”

To reach out to Shlomo Jesmer for his professional advice services, you can apply clicking here and you can follow him on:

YouTube: Shlomo Jesmer - Relationship Coach

Instagram: @shlomojesmer

Facebook: Shlomo Jesmer

Thank you to Shlomo Jesmer once again. You showed us a very interesting perspective of being in long term relationships.